Knowing What to Expect: Another Way to Ease Discomfort

Sometimes it’s hard being a kid. Some hard moments may involve a grownup helping with something physically uncomfortable. It could be relatively minor, like putting on (or taking off) a bandage or having a splinter removed. And, at a doctor’s appointment, there are even more unfamiliar and uncomfortable experiences.

So, how can we help kids deal with these experiences?

I’ve written before about music helping alleviate pain during procedures, but what can be done in advance? Whenever a child has to go through some necessary discomfort, there’s a question that may help reduce the pain:

“Do you want to know everything that is going to happen or do you just want to know when it’s over?”

Research in adults suggests that people experience less pain if they know what to expect. 

In a similar vein, a study in kids showed less anxiety about upcoming menstrual periods if they had more education about what to expect. 

It makes sense that this idea applies to other changes and events as well.

In my anecdotal experience, I think this is true for most kids with most things. Knowledge is empowering!

When I was in practice, I’d ask kids the above question before minor procedures. I was happy to talk through the minutiae of each step, from putting on gloves to the purpose of each tool. I could also share how other children described the experience. “Some kids say it pinches. Others say it just tickles.”

However, I’ll be the first to tell you that not all kids are the same. What is true for most doesn’t mean it’s true for all. Some really don’t want to know what’s happening and actually prefer waiting for everything to Just. Be. Done. This may be especially true for young kids with an adult they absolutely trust.

My point today is to consider your child. If there’s some necessary discomfort, do they want to know what to expect? Chances are that knowing will help the whole process.

What about babies and toddlers?

Babies and really young children can’t verbalize exactly what they would like to know, right? What I’m about to share is not necessarily evidence-based, but it is my own experience seeing babies and young children in both hospitals and the outpatient setting. (Maybe it was inspired by a Janet Lansbury article years ago, but I can’t be sure).

I’ll just share my experience. Others can consider if it makes sense for their family:

I operate under the assumption that babies (and toddlers and children who are otherwise nonverbal) understand what we say.

We already know that children’s knowledge precedes their ability to talk about it. So, if a child needs me to “do” something for them that may be uncomfortable, I talk them through what I’m doing and the immediate next steps.

Very young kids don’t need a pamphlet or a lecture, but rather just a few seconds “warning” about what is about to happen. This might mean just talking through things as they unfold. It helps!

Is it just general talking that sooths babies and toddlers? Would singing or chatting about the weather be just as useful? To be fair, this was probably the case when I saw newborns in the hospital. (With newborns though, much of what I narrated was for the benefit of the parent. This way, they could hear and understand every little thing, and therefore also be calm for their baby. A calm parent can help babies in almost any experience).

For example . . .

However, especially with toddlers, saying things like “now I need to touch your skin with my glove,” absolutely helped. Sometimes, they’d angle their body to accommodate, extending an arm, tilting their head, etc.

In everyday life, this can translate to, “We need to wash your scraped knee. This water might feel even colder than you think. Here come a few drops.” Etc!

Summary: A little information can help ease discomfort.

For better or worse, no one goes through their entire childhood without a moment of discomfort. If such experiences can be anticipated, it helps to have a knowledgeable adult explain everything. It may not only ease pain, but can also help a child feel equipped to handle whatever lies ahead.

Disclaimer: This contains no medical advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. Full disclaimer here.

Maya M. Mahmood, D.O., FAAP is a board-certified pediatrician and mom. Sign up for her newsletter below.